If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
