and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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