I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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