I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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