youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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