I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
