I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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