I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
