Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
