Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
