I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
