OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
