The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
