If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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