there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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