I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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