I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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