how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't deserve a penis
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
