I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
