"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
