Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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