Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
