Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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