Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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