so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
