Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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