Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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