Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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