sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So much rum. So many feels.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My life is pants optional.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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