I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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