I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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