i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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