I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
