I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
