I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize