I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
