perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
