i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
