moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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