There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
