i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
