Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
