This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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