my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize