My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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