hotel room ftw
420 ftw
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
