So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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