my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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