I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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