she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
