Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
