Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
