I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
