i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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