I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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