Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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