I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
A+ Viking dick
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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