I cockslap morals
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
