Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
