I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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