do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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