member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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