You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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