She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
