He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
