I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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