you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
