gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
