god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
