I must be too annoying 4 u.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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